-dr.meredith grey-

I can say that I grew stronger, emotionally wise.
I don’t hide my feelings anymore and proud that I’m learning to share it with a few close friends. It’s a big lift on the shoulders to just share secrets with people you can trust. Amazing, speaking from a big introvert sucker. History.  
As the age catch up, I guess, it’s also time to change.

Recently, there’s a few things on my mind. Career, love and friends.
I’ll jot this down so the future me would read it and share it with his wife =)
as corny as it may sound, I think this is gonna set as a reminder of what life I had when I’m 28 years old.

Career
I’m entering my last week in DHL. It’s been a year and 6 months till to date. Awesome colleagues that I’ll definitely miss. I must say, so far, all my colleagues have been nice to me , even from my previous work place.
My boss been wonderful, he plays futsal with me and talks like a pai kia. My makan buddy, Eddy, who’s a malay btw, shares his ‘wonderful’ stories with me. We go dating everyday and I’m gonna miss our ‘pumping’ sessions.
Cool guy, definitely will miss him since he’s the closest to me. A few malay girls who’s been nothing but lunch buddy. Talks non-stop, always comes up with dirty – silly – notorious jokes to crack our department.
Yeap, definitely gonna miss ‘em.
It’s been a great experience working  here in DHL. A stepping stone to many great achievements and I’m glad I took this road where I would not have thought about it back when I was in high school or college. How did I ended up here? God knows, but I truly believe in faith and faith alone. I do hope that one day , faith will crosspath our lives again and we will meet again soon.

I’ll be starting my job in Schenker 1st July.
This will be my 5th job and I’m planning for a long run. Looks promising, a change in the working environment and perhaps I’ll find my satisfaction there.

Friends and family
I get emotionally attached to the friends I have. Sad to say , I think they are closer to me then my family ever will.You know you just can’t talk openly to your parents about love or current issues. Reason to this, is because I’ve burden them enough , so I wouldn’t want them to worry another second about me anymore. (I know they still do, that’s how parents work)
Brighter note, I’m always happier at home, its the one place where it can’t go wrong. Home sweet home right? And adding to that, there’s a new baby at home!! Yay, super cute. Her name’s Yvvone and she has puffy, rosy red cheeks worth dying for. Hehe. She’s mainly my highlight of the day.
Mom is healthy and Dad has toned down over the years. I’m glad that my parents have quality time these days although I hope that we can go out again like we used to back when I was 13. We used to hang out alot at shopping malls and restaurants.I guess we outgrew them =(

Calling my friends as friend is  under statement.  Although, very often we can get fickle minded on where to eat, what to do, where to go on weekends, but at the end of the day we  somehow manage to whip something out of nothing and enjoy ourselves. Now, that’s what I called impromptu entertainment. We still do silly lil things together, but decided cut down on clubbings and meeting new people. Let’s face it, we ain’t that young anymore, so we’ve decided to watch the knees and kidney. There’s no new additional to the group. It’s a private club for the elites of nerdism and anyone who wants to gain entry needs to wield a lightsaber .
Hah, I’m glad I’m not that nerdy. Computer games still in picture. Dota now version - 6.67C.
I’m worried for WH these days. There’s signs of depression lingering around. I hope he gets better soon.

World cup fever is back, LOTS of upsets and heartbreaks. Italy could only manage 2 draws in their 2 outings thus far. Dissapointing but no regrets supporting them. Funny thing is, my heart rate beats twice as fast when Italy plays. I’ve been supporting them through thick and thin ever since the Divine Ponytail , Roberto Baggio ballooned his penalty kick on a world cup final that hand Brazil the cup </3. From that day onwards, he was my idol because he showed the world that its okay to fall from grace sometimes,  you just have to find a way to come back stronger.
Handful of my friends still make fun of me whenever they watch back glimpses of that agony pose of my beloved idol. How inconsiderate =)

Love
This has always been my kryptonite. I wish I can be like Ted Mosby and tell  those stories like ‘How I Met your Mother’. I’ve only fallen in love twice and that’s it. Phobia.
I’ve come to a point where being alone is so comfortable I might as well stay single for as long as possible. Of course there’re days where I feel lonely, longing for a hug, and maybe just listening to a familiar voice over the phone after a long day at work.
Things get a tad complicated when it comes to love or being in love.
I wonder how big our heart is to say enough is enough. Guess the only way to find out is to keep trying till the right one fits in.

“Everybody will find a way to hurt you, you just have to find the right one worth sacrificing for” – Bob Marley

It’s been awhile.

Let’s hope she says yes =)

There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo. Or Neatorama, for that matter.

In 1982, the year of your birth, the top selling movie was E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. People buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster.

Remember, that was before there were DVDs. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema, and not downloading them online. Imagine the packed seats, the laughter, the excitement, the novelty. And mostly all of that without 3D computer effects.

Do you know who won the Oscars that year? The academy award for the best movie went to Gandhi. The Oscar for best foreign movie that year went to Volver a Empezar. The top actor was Ben Kingsley for his role as Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi in Gandhi. The top actress was Meryl Streep for her role as Sophie Zawistowski in Sophie’s Choice. The best director? Richard Attenborough for Gandhi.

In the year 1982, the time when you arrived on this planet, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out. The number one US bestseller of the time was E.T., The Extraterrestrial by William Kotzwinkle. Oh, that’s many years ago. Have you read that book? Have you heard of it? Look at the cover!

In 1982… William Bonin is convicted of being the Freeway Killer. AT&T agrees to divest itself into 22 subdivisions. The lowest ever United Kingdom temperature of -27.2°C is recorded at Braemar, in Aberdeenshire Argentina invades the Falkland Islands, beginning the Falkland Wars. Mauno Koivisto is elected President of Finland. German singer Nicole wins the Eurovision Song Contest 1982 for Germany, with the song Ein Bisschen Frieden By Proclamation of the Queen of Canada on Parliament Hill, Canada patriates its constitution, gaining full political independence from the United Kingdom; included is the country’s first entrenched bill of rights. Israel completes its withdrawal from the Sinai Peninsula in accordance with the Egyptian-Israeli Peace Treaty. Kielder Water, an artificial lake in Northumberland, is opened. Checker Motors Corporation ceases production of automobiles. In Hong Kong, health warnings on cigarette packets are made statutory. The first compact discs are released to the public in Germany. The first emoticons are posted by Scott Fahlman. Channel 4, the fourth terrestrial television channel, is launched in England, Scotland and Northern Ireland, with the first program broadcast being the game show Countdown. 30,000 women hold hands in a peace protest, forming a human chain around the 14.5 km perimeter fence at Greenham Common. The first China Central Television New Years Gala program starts The video game of the day was Q-Bert.

That was the world you were born into. Since then, you and others have changed it.

The Nobel prize for Literature that year went to Gabriel García Márquez. The Nobel Peace prize went to Alva Myrdal and Alfonso García Robles. The Nobel prize for physics went to Kenneth G. Wilson from the United States for his theory for critical phenomena in connection with phase transitions. The sensation this created was big. But it didn’t stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year. Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn’t it?

The 1980s were indeed a special decade. The Soviet-Afghan war goes on. Eastern Europe sees the collapse of communism. Policies like Perestroika and Glasnost in the Soviet Union lead to a wave of reforms. Protests are crushed down on Tiananmen Square in China. Ethiopa witnesses widespread famine. Nicolae Ceausescu is overthrown. The AIDS pandemic begins. The role of women in the workplace increased greatly. MTV is launched in the US. There is opposition against Apartheid in South Africa as well as worldwide. Heavy Metal and Hard Rock bands are extremely popular. The rise of Techno music begins. Originally primarily played on campus radio stations, College Rock enters the scene with bands like the Pixies, REM and Sonic Youth. The Hip Hop scene continues to evolve. Teletext is introduced. Gay rights become more widely accepted in the world. Opposition to nuclear power plants grows. The A-Team and Seinfeld are popular on TV. US basketball player Michael Jordan bursts on the scene. Super Mario Bros, Zelda’s Link, and Pac-Man gain fame in video games. People wear leggings, shoulder pads and Ray-Ban sunglasses.

Do you know what was on the cover of Life that year?

Do you remember the movie that was all the rage when you were 15? The Fifth Element. Do you still remember the songs playing on the radio when you were 15? Maybe it was Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton. Were you in love? Who were you in love with, do you remember?

In 1982, 15 years earlier, a long time ago, the year when you were born, the song Ebony and Ivory by Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder topped the US charts. Do you know the lyrics? Do you know the tune? Sing along.

Ebony and Ivory
Live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard
Oh Lord, why don’t we?
…

There’s a kid outside, shouting, playing. It doesn’t care about time. It doesn’t know about time. It shouts and it plays and thinks time is forever. You were once that kid.

When you were 9, the movie Hook was playing. When you were 8, there was Home Alone. When you were 7, there was a Disney movie out called The Rescuers Down Under. Does this ring a bell?

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… it’s 1982. There’s TV noise coming from the second floor. Someone turned up the volume way too high. The sun is burning from above. These were different times. The show playing on TV is Tales of the Gold Monkey. The sun goes down. Someone switches channels. There’s Family Ties on now. That’s the world you were born in.

Progress, year after year. Do you wonder where the world is heading towards? The technology available today would have blown your mind in 1982. Do you know what was invented in the year you were born? The Compact Disc Player. The ACE Inhibitor. The Artificial Heart.

Oogie knew there’s never ever time
Some of us will always stay behind
Down in space it’s always 1982
The joke we always knew
What’s a matter with you?
C’mon, let’s go slip away
…

That’s from the song Slip Away by David Bowie.

In 1982, a new character entered the world of comic books: The Mask. Bang! Boom! But that’s just fiction, right? In the real world, in 1982, LeAnn Rimes was born. And Billie Piper. Leelee Sobieski, too. And you, of course. Everyone an individual. Everyone special. Everyone taking a different path through life.
It’s 2010.

The world is a different place.

What path have you taken?

Of course nothing beat the epicness of ’500 days of Summer’ for men our generations in describing the reality of what we go through,  ‘Up in the Air’ on the other hand left me clueless and dumbfound on what I was actually pursuing all this while.
I wasn’t talking about the part where he fires people for a living,  but the single, travel free , no boundaries life that I so often seek is portrayed brilliantly in the show.

Many acquintance has come to me and shared their experiences of traveling and working at the same time. Most of them wasn’t good, unless of course if you have no commitment back home. No car loan, no mortgage for the house , or better still, no one who has any emotional connection with you. Family doesn’t count though, you’ll know they’ll be there for better or worse.
Just being alone. Lonely, but you’ll get through it.
Since I’ve been flying solo most of my life, this has always been one of the experience that I wish to have before I actually settle down.

Many would disagree with me,and I understand their skepticism
I mean, which insane person would want to travel alone and be so selfish?
Working has always been stereotyped since the dawn of men. Chasing paychecks after paychecks to pay the bills, its all written all over when we were young. Relationships they get messy when things don’t go too well. Let’s face it, not everyday a couple get honey-coated experience.
You’ll understand better if you’re on the same page as me.
I wanted that. The whole package.

Not anymore.

There’s more to life than that. It’s not too late if we realize it earlier,no?
Right now, I just want someone to dance with. A co-pilot perhaps?

Life’s just one big mystery ain’t it.

I was dumbstruck for a moment until a pat on the shoulder brought me back to reality.
She asked, “What chu looking at? , Any hot girls you’re looking ?”.

I said , “Plenty in the room, but only 1 caught my attention”.

“Which one, which one?” in all her excitement she asked,

I told her the lil part of her, how I grow fond of her writing skills like I knew her in person.
The truth is, I barely know the person I’m describing.
Funny ain’t it. How to world has come to, telling a friend about a stranger, prescribing her through the words from a personal agenda.
The sad thing is, the only connection we  had are probably some words that I’ve left in her blog. Comments are meant to be that way. Short. Simple. And 2 weeks down the road, we’ve probably forgotten all about it.
Things that doesn’t matter, matters to some people.
We get carried away with silly little things like affection and  hoping for a fairy tale like fantasy to hit on us but it never does. Not when your balls are too heavy to move. Not when your guts tell you to go, but your nerve wrecks your confidence and the only scenario that plays in the head is the one where rejection plays the main role.

Hopeless.
Battle lost without a fight. It’s already half lost when she’s dancing with another guy. A man so muscular, he puts Zac Efron to shame. Minus 10 points buddy.

I guess I’m never game for all this. The whole dating process, the cat chases the mouse is nothing but history in its past.
The part where we introduce ourselves as a stranger may seem easy to some people with lots of confidence, but its by far probably one of the most difficult thing in the world to do, especially to someone you thought you’ve known for ages, but she doesn’t know you even existed. hah.
I hope someone’s sharing my perceptions. The funny side of life seems to get the upper hand in all these.

Oh well, just another night not to look back at.
Maybe one day second chance given, I’ll gather enough courage to walk up and say hi.

Are you listening?
*sigh*